“I’ve been considering waxing my nose hair. Good idea?”

I remember when I was a kid looking at my grandfather’s nose hairs and thinking “why the fuck doesn’t he do anything about that?” Probably the least vain person on earth, Grandpa Delbert also personified not giving a fuck long before the now overused phrase was a part of anyone’s lexicon. Actually, he gave an appropriate amount of fucks. Just not about his ridiculously long nose hairs.

In fact, I think he kept them because he knew it freaked people out. Or maybe he knew the dangers of fucking around too much with your nose hair.

I hate my nose hair. I have one in my right nostril growing faster than a musclehead on steroids. It’s such an ever present part of my life that I’m thinking about naming it.

But I have never, ever thought about waxing it. That shit can get you killed. No joke.

The part of your face from the corner of one side of your mouth, up to the bridge of your nose, down to the other corner of your mouth, and then across your lips, is what is sometimes referred to as the triangle of death. A wee bit dramatic, I know. But for good reason.

This part of your face has a ton of blood supply, some of which is connected directly to your brain. That should be your first clue not to mess with this area. Anyway… some of that blood supply also shoots back down to your heart through the cavernous sinus (it’s like this little space at the base of your brain right behind your eyes.) In rare cases, an infection starting in the “triangle of death” can get into that area, cause a blood clot, and kill you. Like, 30% of people who develop this actually die.

I like to think this is why is hurts so damn much to pull your nose hairs. Maybe it’s our body telling us we shouldn’t do it? Just sayin ….

So instead of jumping on this nose hair waxing trend, or even going old-school with tweezers, become one with your nose hairs. Give them names and tell them stories. Display them proudly like Delbert did. Tell the world “I don’t give a fuck about my nose hairs and you shouldn’t either!”

Too much?

You don’t have to like yer nose hairs. In fact, for the rest of our sake – please take care of them. JUST DON’T WAX THEM! Use some electric nose hair trimmers or round-tip scissors and don’t die. KThxBye!